Monday, October 17, 2011

I am a wolf.

So I had just finished a busy morning and emailing back and forth with a friend about homeschool and child rearing frustrations while mourning the loss of the first weekend in ages that I was able to spend some time away from home with my little family when I reached into the pocket of my yoga pants and was reminded that I am a wolf. 

I am a wolf.  I know this because my son told me so.  My sweet, beautiful, kind, thoughtful, sensitive son told me that I am a wolf.  I have felt like a momma bear a few times, I dream of dolphins and swimming with them, maybe even as a dolphin (I love those dreams), four back to back years of breast-feeding and pregnancies made me feel like a mother cow, literally, but I have never felt like a wolf, though I can become quite ferocious when backed into a corner.

But my son told me I am a wolf.  We were in a little gem shop in a faraway town yesterday and there was a wooden bin full of "totem energy" stones with various figures carved into them near the register.  Things of this sort intrigue me if they are historically accurate but mostly I see them as doo-dads that suckers are sucked into buying as silly little mystical tokens.  Well suckered in I was, but it wasn't the accompanying card that did it, the purple and pink hued, almost plaid patterned natural stone that the image of a wolf was engraved into that wooed me, it was my little guy's exclamation that struck me to the core and melted my heart. 

"You're a wolf, Mommy.  Look!  You're a wolf!"  He read the description of the wolf symbol from the card that was provided with each sale of the stones.  It said, "Wolf-- family loyalty, teaching skill." 

This is me.  I love to cook, but this is all I have to offer in this world that makes any real difference.  It nearly made my knees buckle under me and all I could do was to take my sweet baby in my arms and whisper my appreciation.  I promised to buy it and keep it with me at all times and I will.

When life begins to overwhelm me I can take my stone from my pocket and remind myself that my son thinks of me as a wolf.  I can be a wolf every day.  I am a wolf.

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