Thursday, July 19, 2012

I never should have called it a "diary"...

There was a cooking blog and then there was supposed to be a blog about everything else, such as writing and gardening, homeschooling and parenting.  I think I went wrong when I called it "Diary of..." because I ended up using it as a form of cheap therapy and, at times, an actual diary that I let anyone and everyone see for some crazy reason.  Look, I'm still doing it!  ;)

It may have worked, I'll never know for sure, but I do know that resentment and cynicism seem like old friends that I've learned I'm better off without.  Kind of like some real life friends.  You know, the ones who leave you feeling icky, like you need a shower.

I'm sure my attitude change mainly stems from some of the things that have happened in my life since I started blogging.  Perspective is acquired.  When big things happen you sure laugh at the little things that used to scare you.  And you learn to ditch the things you don't need and only hold you back, and you hang on to the things that really matter. 

We recently made the decision to move away and sell our little farm.  I panicked at first, still do sometimes, but then, when I was having a real moment of weakness and was wishing for some way to protect my heart when the time came for the move, I literally looked up (I was in a dept. store) and saw a trio of plaques that read, "Imagine Peace, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Today."  That was it for me.  All it took to let go and go with the flow.  I purchased said wall hanging collection, and promised myself that the signs would stay in their packaging and would only be removed and hung in the house I was sure would be the one we were destined to have. 

We spent every waking moment over the last month trying to make this move.  And, I might add, we've done everything "right" so that all of the pieces should have fallen into place.  Instead, we have had something happen every single day for six days in a row to chisel away at our list of reasons for leaving.  Big things.  Amazing things we never could have seen coming.  Miraculous things that just fly at us out of the blue!  Now I don't know what to think, where the heck I'll end up hanging my little signs from heaven.

I am a firm believer that you make your dreams come true, but also that you can try as hard as you can to make something happen, but if it's not supposed to happen, it won't.  I think people are supposed to get up and actively use their inherent and acquired skills to improve their lives.  Sitting and wishing never got anyone anywhere, but timing is everything.

I used to say that life was a funnel.  When you were on the right path you would be forced down the sides of the funnel into the neck and you just had to trust the funnelling.  But lately I've decided that it feels more like a Rube Goldberg contraption being built by some nerdy kid in his basement.  No disrespect intended to the higher power who greases the funnel for us on occasion, but I think there are lots of funnels and gadgets on the paths that each of us are destined to follow and timing is EVERYTHING or the whole thingy comes to a stop, usually when we do something stupid and don't listen to our intuition.

So I ramble.  As if typing this all down in my "diary" will help me see what turns, drops, twists, and loop de loops are up ahead.

But, oh yeah.  This is supposed to be my writing, gardening, homeschooling, parenting journal. So... A.  I've been writing like crazy this week on my favorite unfinished novel that no one will probably ever see.  B.  The cucumbers are getting wiped out by Mexican Bean Beetles again, but the zukes and yeller squashes are doing well with Neem Oil; Mexican Bean Beetles still don't touch the beans, go figure.  C.  Science and math curriculum is planned and purchased for the year, but I'm still working on procuring language arts, history, German, spelling and vocabulary, and writing curriculum.  And, holy crap, I've got a high schooler this year!  D.  My kids are awesome!

Small Town Hoe'r, signing off...


  1. You are awesome and I know you will find where you need to be.

    1. Thanks! I was thinking a moment ago, after a few days of more twists and turns and floating weightlessly for a bit, that we seem to be rolling effortlessly downhill again. Oh my. I wonder what will be next. I don't know, but if this keeps up I'm gonna hurl.