Friday, October 5, 2012

Avoiding the rant to bask in the glow.

What a crazy month we've had!  I say crazy, but the biggest change has been the most calming mellowing, peaceful one we could have asked for.  A dream come true and the last on the list of life goals my husband and I established years ago, probably the first year that we were married.  I keep saying that no one is supposed to get everything they've ever wanted, but we officially have. I sit here on a daily basis absolutely in AWE and I almost can't stop smiling.

Here was the list:
A.  Live on an island.  We ended up living on Oahu for 4 yrs. through no choice of our own.  Funny how many times life has given us what we've asked for w/o us even trying.

B.  2 children within 2 yrs. apart in age.  They are actually 2 yrs. 4 mos.

C.  Live in Washington state.  We hit that one, too.  Another four years of our life together.

D.  Settle in the  Southern Appalachian mountains on a little farm.  Here we are!!!  Though we are avidly working to settle permanently on a larger one with NO NEIGHBORS.  You have to take the good with the bad and this beautiful, fabulous little farm happened to be across the street from a whole lot of bad!  And again, this was our choice, but even when we were willing to move to places like D.C. or Chicago when my husband ended his military enlistment, this was the only area he was able to find a job following 9-11 and the job freeze that followed.  Love it when our wants and not just our needs are considered in the big plan that has been set before us.

E.  Homeschool our children.  CHECK!

F. Work from home. YES.  DONE.  OFFICIAL!!!

My husband worked for a tax software company and was determined after his heart attack earlier this year that he would be out of that place before tax development season began for this next year.  It was close.  He was miserable.  He was coming home red-faced and stressed like last tax year, when he had the heart attack at his desk at work.  He kept telling me he was going to have another one if he stayed, he was certain.  I was sure, too, if only because he was so certain and was going to have a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Then the chest tightness started.  Not a cold, not bronchitis, no other symptoms.  His dr. kept an eye on him but after weeks, ordered an echocardiogram.  The technician saw obvious problems during the test that could lead, worst case scenario, to lifelong problems and heart surgery. 

We sat down together and decided that if there was more wrong with his heart we would hate to look back in a few months and see that he had wasted precious time at his current job; a job which kept his blood pressure elevated which was the whole cause of his heart attack in the first place.  We decided that no matter how scary taking the leap and working from home would be, it was nothing compared to the angst we felt on a daily basis knowing he needed a life change and had to leave his high-stress job.  On top of that, many of his teammates had left the company over the summer for the same reasons which left the job of several people on the heads of the three remaining. 

He did it.  He gave notice and finished his last two weeks. 

His chest tightness continued after he left the job and we are still waiting for more tests and a final diagnosis on his condition.  I do my best not to think about it, which includes avoiding blogging.  I have been so angry that he is not fully recovered and furious with one of his health care providers for sitting on this problem and failing to pass his test results on to his primary care provider so we can get answers.  It's terrifying to know that he may be in danger because someone is sitting around slacking on their job.  So avoiding the rant and basking in the wonderfulnesses (it's a word if I say it's a word) of our new life has been #1 on the list. 

We have also started school in the last month.  My boys are loving studying world history.  Our German is improving.  Math is going to go much better with their math genius daddy home, for me anyway.  I'm washing my hands of math teaching for as long as I can get away with it.

I have also started a new graphics business in the last few weeks and have finished the graphics for two mobile app games and am working on a third.  My husband is developing them.  I am almost to the point where I have the confidence to bid on my own graphics contracts.  I love it.  I get to sit and create, create, create.  Ahhhh...

But the most important thing is that just when we were wondering if we could make it with my husband working from home on the contracts he had already won, he received two long-term contracts of full-time work.  Kind of reminds me of the two times we said, "Yes.  We are ready to start trying to have children." only to find that we were already a few weeks pregnant. 

It all reminds me that you must set goals and work hard to accomplish them, but there is still that guiding light that gives you what you need when you need it and sometimes what you want most in life.  Sigh...I don't have anything to rant about, really.  Just lots of things to be thankful for. 

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