I love spontaneity. I love to have a plan, though I continuously set myself up for a fall by expecting there to be more hours in the day than there are, but when my schedule gets waylaid by happy unforseen circumstances it's like being given a little gift.
Yesterday I was feeling so funky in the morning. Sad and just plain pissed off by the passing of a friend. No more, "it was meant to be", "he's looking down laughing at us like he said he would", "he's in a better place" kind of crap. Just plain furious. I don't why they say good grief. There's nothing good about it. I was fed up. I felt guilty for thinking about him so often which takes my focus off my family, then even more guilty if I pushed him to the back of my mind for being so selfish. Is it really okay to TRY to get over someone's death?
To say I needed an attitude readjustment is an understatement. I spent all of November trying to find something every day to be thankful for which really helped my usual "the glass is half empty" mentality. In the middle of that, Will died. I was so looking forward to our long chats and intense conversations on life and was enjoying his wit and never ending sarcasm that made those who understood him love him even more. There just seems to be a great hole in the universe with the passing of this "enormous" person and I can't help feeling like we've all been cheated in losing him.
It's Christmas. I didn't want to sit here feeling funky through my favorite time of the year. The months that stretch from Christmas season to Christmas season seem long enough as it is, that special holiday aura over before I know it, without my mind wandering all the time and a shadow hanging over my head. And I KNOW he would be furious to know that we are all sad and pining for more of the "Will Experience" as he called it. Time to buck up and switch gears! My son's birthday party (cake, and presents at a pizza place with a couple of friends at our local arcade) is today. I needed to buy cake ingredients yesterday and get the cake baked and fondant made. That way I could spend a leisurely morning before the party having fun decorating it. Change of plans...
I felt the Christmas spirit smack me between the eyes as soon as I walked out the door. Our front door is located inside a large sun room that we use as a dining room when the weather is mild and that doubles as the room that houses the Christmas tree because it has nine foot ceilings which allows us to get a tall tree, plant it in a five gallon bucket and still have room for the tree topper. I honestly had forgotten that we already had a tree and decorations up. That amazing spruce pine forest scent instantly filled my head with images of the season. We were no longer just in party mode, but smack dab in the middle of the Holiday festivities.
A stop at our local feed store to pick up laying pellets and hen house bedding added fuel to my holiday fire. The store was all decked out with rows of stocking stuffers, winter farm-hand clothing, scented soy candles...Fa-la-la-la-la...
Next on our list was a trip across the Georgia state line to a mega discount store for cake decorations/weekly grocery supply/Christmas spiriting. Fun! We specifically made our way to the garden center, which we had been avoiding since Halloween, where the Christmas decorations and floor to ceiling shelves lined with inflatable lawn ornaments are kept during the season. Hoho...oh what fun!
By dinner time, we were headed back across the border. I needed to have dinner ready by 7 when Hubby came home so we could head back into town and buy our son's birthday presents. Just as we'd reached the city limits, my phone started ringing. I never answer the phone while I'm driving so I let it ring. Another fifteen minutes later and I had the groceries mostly unloaded so returned the call which was from my husband. Apparently, our town's annual Christmas extravaganza was going on while I was fooling around down in Georgia and I needed to get my butt to Main Street ASAP. I can't believe I was so dumb not to know when one of my favorite events was occurring! In goes all the cold stuff, thrown willy nilly into the fridge. Kids in the van, key in the ignition...no camera. Back into the house, zoom down the road. A quarter of an hour later, we step out into a winter wonderland.
Our town knows how to do it right. Carolers, lights, decorations, every little shop open offering complementary cookies and cider or cocoa. Holiday bliss and boy was I feeling it...and the cold. I was dressed for a 62 degree afternoon in Georgia and was standing on a mountain street corner freezing my butthind off. Nothing a little hot chocolate can't cure. A horse and carriage ride later and I couldn't feel my feet. The wind through my jeans took the feeling in my knees a little while later when the temperature dropped below freezing. It was perfect. I already couldn't wait until next year. You know you have lived in a small town for a good long while when you recognize so many of the faces you see on the street on a night like that. I felt like Cory Feldman's character at the end of the movie The Burbs. "I love this street!" So proud to live in the little town in which life has given us the opportunity to raise our children!
It was 9 p.m. and we still needed to do our birthday shopping. Two out of four of us hadn't eaten a thing since early morning and were feeling puny, but it had to be done. An hour and a half later, our purchases safely tucked in the back of our van behind the chicken feed and bedding that we hadn't had time to unload earlier, and we were looking around our small town wondering where the heck we could find a quick meal at that hour.
Huddle House. Why do we never think of taking our kids to breakfast around midnight in one of those awesome, crappy little all-night diners where we can watch the short order cooks doing their thing and plates are being dealt out like playing cards in a matter of minutes? Attitude readjusted. :) Took me till around 3 a.m. to get my toes warmed up despite slipping them between Hubby's knees all night, no joke, but I don't need to stop for breakfast because I'm still full of hash browns from our midnight snack and can get right to the cake decorating. It won't be a leisurely task as planned, but it'll get done and nothing keeps me out of a funk like decorating a cake. It's gonna be a GREAT day!